I had a calling to write this post. I apologize for this little interruption in my “thinkmaya framework” series post. Part 3 will be published shortly.
I read this post on MomGrind a couple of days ago and then left for my daily run. A day before that I had read this post on Freedom Writing. Both the posts had been responding to this post on IlluminatedMind where Jonathan asked his readers what is RIGHT with their lives?
As I ran, all I could think about was my life. It was like meeting an old friend … unearthing memories that I did not know existed…
Almost 15 years ago. Bangalore, India. In the waiting lounge of a hospital. With a cousin. Reflecting on life. There was not much else we could have done. Another cousin of mine had tried to overdose himself. But he was okay. Somebody had found him before it was too late. So my cousin and I sat and reflected on life and our attitudes to life.
“Would you ever consider suicide?”, he said.
I looked at him not knowing what to say. There had been times when life had seemed pretty bad. “I am not sure”, I said.
I had just enrolled into a technical Engineering degree. My cousin here had just enrolled into Law School. He loved postmortems …
“Well, you know. I am so confident. I do think I can achieve anything if I put my mind to it. I cannot imagine that life would ever get so bad that I would be forced to attempt suicide.”
I was still lost in my thoughts. “The world is too beautiful a place. Even if my life seems irreparable, I will hang on just because I believe there is so much more undiscovered beauty in this world”, I said. I did not say how irreparable my life had seemed to me on some days. I had never come very close to ending my life but I do remember that the thought had crossed my mind several times over the past several years … I had struggled with depression as a child for years and had no idea about it ….
Fast forward to a year ago. I haven’t felt “low” in years. 20 weeks pregnant with our second child. A test revealed an “echogenic foci” in the left ventricle of the child’s heart. A marker for downs syndrome. My husband and I were incredibly calm. The probability that we would have a healthy child was still greater that the probability that we would have a child with downs syndrome. Moreover, we knew we would love the child and celebrate her every accomplishment irrespective of whether she was healthy or “special”. But, for some reason, over the next few months I prepared myself mentally to raise a “special” child… spending several sleepless nights wondering how my life would be come February 2008 … clearly some of the few hardest months of my life. On Feb 3, 2008, our little Meesha was born, little and very healthy.
Why do we have all these life experiences, I wonder …. and I remember, when we were kids, my mom always said, “Everything happens for the good. Always. Everytime. And the good will come eventually, give it just a little time and patience.”
Here and now. I stand at a juncture in my life where I experience nothing but sheer joy. I love my life for everything that happened. I love my life for everything that did not happen. For my experiences with depression and my survival. For my struggles during my pregnancy and my healthy children. I love my life for all the people that have touched it - in big ways and small. And I love myself for my love for life
There you have it. The three things I love about my life.
What do you love about your life? Positive thoughts and positive energy are infectious ….and guess what, getting lost in our thoughts thinking about how great our life is can be nothing but good for our hearts, minds and souls. So please talk …I am all ears!
