Embracing our cultural identities at work and in life can only be good for us

by maya on October 27, 2008

image by Harpreet Thinking

It is Diwali. Our festival of lights. It is the most beautiful festival I have ever witnessed. It is the time for the best food, rangoli and firecrackers. The joy of families getting together, the clean homes all ready and lit up, the pretty clothes, the yummy food and the thrill of the firecrackers! As kids, we graduated to bigger and better firecrackers every year … it was a time for teasing, challenging and showing off. It was never enough!

When I first moved out of India, a lot of what Diwali was for me was sacred memories. Festivals had to be celebrated the way they were when I was growing up. A festival did not feel like one if I was not with the closest members of the family…For a few years, all I did was call home, wish family and feel miserable that I missed all the fun. Slowly, things changed. Every year, we host a big Diwali party in our home now. We invite a bunch of our friends from all cultures. We dress gorgeously, share yummy food and my husband will narrate a bunch of mythological stories behind the festival. I still have the memories from my childhood, but Diwali has a new meaning for me today …one of including, embracing and sharing.

Over the years, this has been a wonderful lesson for me. Embracing and sharing my cultural  background at work and in life (with people from different cultural backgrounds) has actually worked to strengthen my own cultural identity and my relationships with people. Counterintuitive eh? Perhaps. But humor me here as I try my best to make a strong case that we would do best at work and life by embracing and sharing our cultural identities:

  • Nobody is blind to our cultural differences:

    As much as we like to say that cultural differences do not affect what we think or how we interact with a person, we have to agree that we are not blind to them. So let us just give up on the hope that we will just blend in at all cost. Instead, let us learn when to ignore these differences and when to enjoy them. When to respect the differences and when to celebrate them. At work, HR makes rules for legal purposes. It is time to understand that rules that say “everyone should be treated equal” do not mean “everyone is created the same”. It is a suggestion to embrace our differences responsibly.

  • We are curious creatures:

    I have always been curious about other cultures, their languages and festivals. I find it incredibly exciting to exchange notes with friends and coworkers about their customs and practices. I try to remember that most people I meet are curious, just like me. If they do not ask questions about my culture it is because they are either ashamed of their lack of knowledge (this is my reason most times) or they are scared to ask wrong questions. So ask questions and be curious. But be respectful. Most often, the other person is very interested in sharing and learning. This applies to the work environment as well.

  • We are insecure and complex creatures:

    We all have our insecurities. Knowingly or otherwise, these insecurities manifest in strange behaviors - a nasty remark, a petty act etc. Single isolated behaviors from people do not indicate intolerance. In fact, they are not an indication of anything. Always give people the benefit of doubt and do not assume anything, ever. And if you assume someone did/said something because of your race or cultural background, then you are the one at loss. Read an interesting story demonstrating that on Evelyn’s blog AttractionMindMap. Making a big deal of isolated events only creates a lot of animosity at the workplace and could unnecessarily affect our careers. Understand that typically people experience a lot more insecurities at the workplace and learn to let go of isolated events. Believe me, it will only make your life better.

  • As much as we want to belong, we value our individuality:

    We are strange creatures, to say the least. In isolation we seek community. And when in a community, we long to set ourselves apart from everyone else. Why not embrace our cultural differences and take pride in the fact that we can all get along wonderfully while learning and experiencing other cultures? This will really help in our end goal of being special while being a part of the community. Share your food. Sing your songs. Enhance the lives of your neighbors and coworkers. Give them a special experience and be proud of it.

  • We have no other choice, really:

    If you are still not convinced and think you might want to continue to try to blend in, let me put another thought in your head. If you are trying your hardest to conceal any cultural differences that exist between your coworkers and you or your neighbors and you, I strongly believe your act is not working. You will only end up seeming fake, distant and disinterested in real interaction. If that is your choice go ahead and pick it, but I’d rather choose embracing my cultural background and sharing it.

There is nothing wrong in trying to blend in at our work places or in the community. Especially if you happen to be the kind of person who had a natural tendency to blend in and stay out of the spotlight. All I am saying is that there is a lot more to be gained by embracing our cultural differences and learning from each other. If you enjoy sharing and celebrating, please do continue to do that even at your work places. People never get in trouble for being themselves and being authentic (without hurting others) and our coworkers and neighbors are a lot more open and accepting than we would believe. And guess what, if people do behave petty, it reflects on them, not on you. And THAT is not worth losing out on a world of special experiences!

I talk from my experience and I am curious to hear what people think. Do you see issues with what I have said? Have you had experiences that conflict with my views? Feel free to agree/disagree and voice yourselves!

Some Link Love

This week I happen to be immersed in a very engaging Authentic Discovery Class being led by Tom Volkar. I am also a part of an exciting community building experiment that Tom has going. I encourage you to check it out and sign up if you find it interesting.

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Tagged as: culture

  • Maya,

    As a Japanese-American, this issue is very dear to my heart. I am actually not American legally, as I am still 100% Japanese citizen. But I left Japan when I was 12, lived in Brazil for 6 years, and now have been in US for 16 -- now I am a Japanese-American. I am neither Japanese nor American, and I do find myself in the valley, looking up at the walls of two cultures.

    Cultural curiosity is a strong drive to me, as I grew up in international communities, where a lot of people had multiple ethnic/cultural backgrounds like me. I belong to this group of cultural no-man's land, the band of misfits, the herd of fence-sitters. What's common among us is the diversity each of us carry within us.

    I must say, it's sometimes a challenge to find a point of connection, now that I'm immersed in mostly white America. The people I end up getting close to are either mixtures like myself, or people with at least some international experience -- having lived or studied abroad.

    As with everything, it's a balancing act. We have to find common grounds first, so that we can communicate and work together. Yet, to deepen that bond, we have to reveal our differences, so that we are sharing greater portions of ourselves -- when the bond depends on only 10% of what we are, then it's difficult to foster that relationship into something greater and stronger.

    ari

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Ari Koinumas last blog post..What I Force My Children to Learn, or Not (Digest)</abbr>
  • I am an Indian currently residing in US. As you already must be knowing, we have so many different cultures in India itself, it is inevitable to accept and learn to love each of them.

    To be a part of a group, or to be friends with people from other cultures, we don't need to become exactly like them. To blend in or fit in I believe means to bond and form relations. And true relationships can only be formed if we are ourselves.

    We cannot belong without first being ourselves. That's a balance which everyone has to struggle with I guess.

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Avani-Mehtas last blog post..2008 Blog Review and 2009 Plans</abbr>
  • Hi Maya,

    What a lovely description of one of your special holidays! Thank you.

    One thing I notice when I read and learn about other cultures is how much we all have in common. Most people have something they hold sacred, and have ways to honor and celebrate that.

    The more I read and understand, the more I really feel that there is one great pool of Light from which we all came, and to which we all feel related and connected (no matter what you call it or how you describe it.) Underneath all the different ways we find to connect, there is this big vast pool of one-ness.

    Thank you for sharing your perceptions and connections to "the pool of Light"!

    Warmly,

    Nancy

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Nancy Boyds last blog post..Safe Harbor Formula</abbr>
  • Lovely blog on being yourself and belonging and embracing and sharing. The title would be apt if it were to be Embracing our cultural differences (rather than identities) at work and in life can only be good for us.
    Very well written especially for people like us who do want to bond and blend and at the same time have glitches on cultural issues in a country culturally different than ours. I personally feel its what you are that makes you noted and the fact that you are different culturally is just an opportunity to grow and evolve as a social being... which is what happens when we are trying to set base in a country culturally different than ours.

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Manasis last blog post..The Five Things I Don’t Want To Simplify</abbr>
  • Lovely blog on being yourself and belonging and embracing and sharing. The title would be apt if it were to be Embracing our cultural differences (rather than identities) at work and in life can only be good for us.
    Very well written especially for people like us who do want to bond and blend and at the same time have glitches on cultural issues in a country culturally different than ours. I personally feel its what you are that makes you noted and the fact that you are different culturally is just an opportunity to grow and evolve as a social being… which is what happens when we are trying to set base in a country culturally different than ours.

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Manasis last blog post..One More Chance</abbr>
  • Maya, thank you for another wonderful post. We really should embrace our cultural identity - and you've hit upon several reasons why this is so important. You're right, I am curious. I am curious about other people and their cultures - and I WILL embrace that natural curiosity - as I seek to learn more about those around me.

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Lances last blog post..At One Hundred, Life Is…</abbr>
  • Thank you for sharing you stories about your festival of lights. I am a firm believer of “including, embracing, and sharing.” When I lived and worked in Louisiana we had a very diverse work force. In the midst of Louisiana’s southern culture we embraced the other cultures of our co-workers. Each week we celebrated different cultures. I loved it! My non-Jewish friends welcomed my Shabbat prayers, songs, and foods with open arms.

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Stacey / Create a Balances last blog post..How Do You Practice the Art of Life Balance?</abbr>
  • Thanks for the link love!!

    Thanks too for sharing about the festival of lights. It is always great to find out more about other cultures. In Singapore, from where I come from, we are often taught about the importance of racial harmony. We learn much about appreciating the differences in each race, color and religion. Harmony is important for a country (and therefore the world) to thrive.

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Evelyn Lims last blog post..Can You Read My Mind?</abbr>
  • Hi Maya: I think it's great that you invite people from other cultures to join in your festivities. I spent a summer at college where my roommate was from Thailand. Whenever she went out to eat at Thai restaurants with her friends they would always invite me. I had a lot of great Thai food that summer :-) Have a wonderful Festival of Lights!

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Marelisas last blog post..How to Enter the “Flow State”</abbr>
  • I am so sorry I have taken a while to respond here. I am in Tom's class this week and I am trying to do it justice by being as involved as possible. It has been hard work so far :)

    Ari,
    I have really not noticed any pattern with regards to the people I connect with. My experience has been a little different from yours. A good majority of my friends happen to be very much American. I think our differences are a major reason we connect. Friends are family to me and they are the ones we have around for all our special events, regardless of their ethnic/cultural backgrounds. Sharing the differences really helps me feel closer to my friends - they look forward to our special days and that makes it even better for me :)

    Hi Avani,
    You are so right about how multicultural India is! You are also dead on about the fact that we have to really be ourselves to connect with others.My observation is that we behave a little differently when the diversity is more pronounced (like here in the US)- where we clan together with the likes or try to be inconspicuous by playing ourselves down (esp in professional settings).

    Hi Nancy,
    You have hit the nail on the head!!! It is amazing how similar our cultures are, isn't it? We all have our harvest festivals, our new years ... just at different times (calendar based) and we celebrate in different ways.There is indeed a vast pool of oneness!
    Thank you for stopping by and commenting!

    Hi Manasi,
    Indeed, I should have said we should embrace our cultural differences :) ...but in my mind I think that really embracing our cultures is a precursor to embracing our differences. When we feel one with our own culture we share ourselves more naturally, I think.Yes, us being different is an opportunity for us to grow. It is also a great opportunity for our American friends to grow (in our case here). I do have some wonderful American friends that I consider family :) and I am very grateful!

    Hi Lance,
    Thank you for embracing that natural curiosity. Honestly, nobody has ever offended me by being curious! And you have so much to offer yourself - I think you will really enrich your relationships :)

    Hi Stacey,
    Oh, it is wonderful that you share and include the way you do! What a wonderful experience it must be for your boys!

    Hi Evelyn,
    Your story was so great (while being funny :)), I think more people should read it. Wow, you learn about racial harmony? In school? I am really curious. That is wonderful though!

    Hi Mare,
    Isn't it wonderful how we cherish our cross cultural experiences as being so special?! Considering that I am not living in the country of my birth I see that language and food are two very strong and very portable parts of our culture ...we are trying to do our best to pass that on to our children. Food is such a great way to experience another culture, isn't it?
  • Wow, Diwali sounds like Thanksgiving mixed with the 4th of July!

    "Instead, let us learn when to ignore these differences and when to enjoy them. When to respect the differences and when to celebrate them."

    I think this is such a great point, Maya! This can be a tough line to not only follow, but see clearly. Walking around on eggshells doesn't help anything, but pretending the differences aren't there to begin with is just as bad.

    What a wonderful and well thought out post! Eric.

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Eric Hamms last blog post..M2A! October Week4: The Benefits Of Intentionally Stressing Your System</abbr>
  • Hi Maya - For many years I worked with people from many different cultures and I would always ask them questions about their customs. I had the opportunity to attend an Indian wedding. It was an arranged marriage (which the mother had also had). I found it so interesting, and the wedding, though different was beautiful. The bride was dressed in a brightly colored sari (is that the right word?), and the ceremony was different than anything I had seen before. As I watched I remember thinking, "Yes, this is different than other weddings I've witnessed, but the message is the same".

    The mother of the bride (whom I worked with) is the person who taught me to enjoy the flavor of curry. To this day whenever I eat anything with curry in it, I think of her.

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Barbara Swaffords last blog post..Blogging To Do List - Do It, Delete It Or Delegate</abbr>
  • Hi Maya. There is something about a lot of burning candles in a dimly lit room that take me away. Thanks for sharing this gentle recollection of your culture. And... I LOVE curry dishes. One of my favourite cookbooks is "Indian Cooking" by Madhur Jaffrey.

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Davinas last blog post..A Ghostly Life Experience</abbr>
  • Hi Eric,
    Yes, pretending differences do not exist is indifference - and that cannot be good, can it. I am glad this post resonates with you!

    Hi Barbara,
    Yes, it is a Sari(or Saree). Marriage ceremonies are a perfect example of how we are so alike in our differences! Thank you for bringing that up. All cultures celebrate the union of souls in their own languages but the message is indeed the same>

    Hi Davina,
    Ahh, you own a cookbook by Madhur Jaffrey?! You must cook some great Indian food then :)
    The underlying message of Diwali is to replace darkness with light - a celebration of victory of good over evil. Lighting a candle has this special connotation for me.

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Mayas last blog post..Embracing our cultural identities at work and in life can only be good for us</abbr>
  • I like this post a lot, but it gives me something different to think about. I don't really have any cultural identity to embrace; that's what being black in America does to you. There's no real sense of identity because I have no idea which country in Africa I came from, and since I didn't come from the entire continent I don't embrace that. Also, being a military kid, I've moved around so much that I don't have any particular background to embrace also. So, I just have to embrace being me.

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Mitchs last blog post..A Point About Commenting On Blogs</abbr>
  • Hi Mitch,

    Thank you for stopping by my blog and sharing. I appreciate hearing your point of view!

    That is a wonderful perspective - just embrace being you - I think there is a lesson in that for all of us. I should talk to my friends about this and learn more about being black in America. I think I understand somewhat since a lot of my cousins who were born in the US and did not go back to visit India for many years felt somewhat incomplete ....they actually go back to India a lot more now that they are older...
  • Hi Maya, beautiful post. And I totally agree that being curious about, and open to another's culture is excellent for everyone concerned. I would like to raise a point that can cause a great deal of conflict within the work place. That is the cultural approach to work. As a manager, I have come across several situations where both myself and the employee have been extremely frustrated and confused because of a cultural difference in what is expected on the job. For example, I have had several employees, from within the same cultural group, who were brought up in a society where promotion was based on learning. They take copious amounts of courses, both within the workplace and on their own time, and expect promotions based on this. However, we promote based on excelling at the tasks within your current position. The proof is in the pudding, so to speak. Generally, the employee is new to Canada, and has long standing careers in their native country, where they have excelled. All of a sudden, they are unable to get ahead in their career. Like I said, it is an extremely frustrating situation for all concerned.

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Urban Panthers last blog post..All in good time</abbr>
  • Hi Maya, Hearty congratulations on being named New Blog of the Week at Barbara's site, and with good reason!

    I wish we would be more mindful that diverse elements combine into a happy kaleidoscope if we celebrate them, and not worry about being slighted. The result of too much political correctness in the past few years is blandness and fear.

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Betsy Wuebkers last blog post..VOTE</abbr>
  • I've been thinking about similar thoughts for a blog post of mine. We do need to bring more of our lives into work. This sharing opens people's hearts. I believe that when we get to know people's backgrounds we become more compassionate of who they are and their choices. Compassion is so important to have when we all work so closely together.

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Karl Staib - Work Happy Nows last blog post..The Brightest and Best Minds All In One Place</abbr>
  • Hello Maya, congratulations on being the New Blogger of the Week.

    I've heard of the Diwali and it's beautiful. I love to travel and meet new people and new cultures. I think you're right. People will always notice our differences, how can you not? But the difference is if people accept people for who they are and discover they can learn a lot from other cultures.

    I might not see everything in black and white, but I do see us all as being humans and all beings of this Earth. We might be diverse, but we are all the same.

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>John Hoff - eVentureBizs last blog post..30.1 Web Tools For Online Success And To Make Your Life Easier At The Same Time</abbr>
  • Hi Urban Panther!
    What an interesting perspective. Thank you for bringing it in here. I do agree that a cultural approach to work can indeed cause great conflict. I said in my response to Manasi's comment earlier - I really hope that embracing our cultural identities is a precursor to embracing our cultural differences. By this, I mean that if I want to be proud of my own culture and take along with me the beauty it offers, I should be respectful and accepting of other cultures too. Perhaps I got rewarded for taking courses in my home country, but I have to accept the work culture in the country I live in as well. I am a strong believer in the fact that an individual cannot really respect his/her own culture if he/she is not able to respect other cultures.(In your example, I would still learn and take classes because that is what I have grown up to value, but I would not expect to get rewarded in Canada for that.)
    I am curious if you have talked about this basic difference in work culture with your employees and told them that learning is a noble thing but not directly rewarded in the Canadian work culture? They should be able to put themselves in your shoes and see that you would experience the same problem if you worked in their country, right?
  • Hi Betsy,

    Thank you! I have to agree that fear messes up a lot of things in our lives. I tried to remember that nobody ever achieved anything through fear!

    Hi Karl,

    You said it so well. Compassion is certainly an outcome of embracing our identities and our differences. Certainly makes a world of difference to the work environment, I think. Personally, it makes me feel so much at ease and saves me so much energy to know that people are respectful and I do not have to watch my every move or word I say.I have been lucky to have some wonderfully compassionate coworkers through my work life! I look forward to reading your post about this!

    Hi John,

    Thank you!
    In essence Diwali is a celebration of the victory of good over evil. I cannot imagine any culture that does not do that :)
  • @ Maya - you should try coming to Las Vegas then LOL!

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>John Hoff - eVentureBizs last blog post..30.1 Web Tools For Online Success And To Make Your Life Easier At The Same Time</abbr>
  • Maya,
    This was a lovely written post and a delightful sharing. I enjoyed reading every word and all your lovely comments too! I was the only one born in the US in my family who came from England and Scotland via Canada. We did not look different to many of our neighbors but our customs were quite different, my parents were so open to having all sorts of folks to our house and to enhance celebrations. At age 10 a Presbyterian Minister from Africa lived at our house for many months and we had garbage thrown in our yard and threats made against us. We just hoped to educate and teach acceptance.
    We always celebrated with our Jewish neighbors and we enjoyed Passover with their families. A few years ago a Tibetan Monk joined our community and shared so much with us.
    So 30 years ago we started a "church" for our growing family that celebrates diversity, and my children just always grew up knowing so many feasts and celebrations and that we had a common thread of love and spirituality to our gatherings.
    The one thing we all have in common is that we reside on this earth and are charged with it care - what a bond that is - truly grounded!

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Patricias last blog post..Hats Off to The Ladies of The Club</abbr>
  • Haha, John, you are funny !!! But so right. :) :) :)

    Wow Patricia, Thank you for sharing your story. You know, now that I have little kids I am ALWAYS thinking about how my decisions and attitude to life is affecting them. I can make rules and theorize all I want, but they will learn from what I DO, not from what I SAY. Your children are lucky for having the upbringing and exposure you gave them!

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Mayas last blog post..Welcome - Please Come in!</abbr>
  • One of the keys to International Business success, is to have the knowledge of the impact of cultural differences on others while you are working in an International Business Environment. I strongly believe that all International companies who are involved in business globally need to enable their employees to become more cultural sensitive by improving their levels of cultural awareness. I also found that cultural insensitivity can easily leads to discrimination due to ignorance and lack of knowledge.

    Dr. Jay-D Olivier
    OlivierLex Limited
    Oregon, USA
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