When I say “What is YOUR VALUE”, what comes to your mind? If you had to put a $$ value to yourself, how much would that be? And how would you compute it? And what does that value translate into? Happiness? Power? More $$$?
I brainstormed with myself, doodled and explored what value means to me …
And this is how it went …
Well, I think my value comes from 2 distinct places:
1. External Value - A part of my worth comes from what people think of me.
External value (EV) has the following characteristics:
* it comes from a number of different people and is in effect a consolidated value ( Total EV = Sum of All EVs)
* there is some mob-science to this value. Just like the stock market. Let me explain - if you did something to make one of your friends unhappy, that might in turn make a number of your other friends unhappy with you. Therefore, your external value could a sudden plunge as a result of your one single act. ( If one EV goes down, potentially a number of other EVs go down and Total EV takes a massive plunge)
* Because of the above fact, EV tends to be highly variable (high variance in statistical terms)
* What seems to really matter (or what should really matter) is the value placed on me by the people we value (core). (Total EV= Core EV + peripheral EV )
2. Internal Value -The rest of my worth that comes from what I think of myself.
I like this one much better. IV is harder to build, but once we build a certain amount of IV or self-value (esteem) through the right means, then it sticks by us.
* True internal value is steadier and does not wax and wane like the external value.
* It is more dependable
* It is essential for basic day to day functioning. If I thought I was worthless, I might not have risen from my bed this morning.
So what is my total value? Is it EV? Is it IV? Is it both of those? I do not know. Is it whatever I perceive it to be?
I am not sure if there is an exact answer. I am almost convinced there isn’t one. But I think I know what it should be -
Primary Value (TV) = Internal Value (IV) + External Value Placed by People I Value (Core EV)
As in, what we should perceive as our total self-worth should be a combination of what we think about ourselves as well as what a few core people in our lives think about it. Really, nothing else should not matter.
As I came up with the above equation for my own value, I asked myself these questions:
1- Why does only the Core EV matter? Peripheral EV is also a valid contributor, right?
Peripheral EV matters but in a very different way. I will talk about it in the section that follows. I call Peripheral EV our Secondary Value.
2 - Should EV matter at all? Doesn’t our real value finally come from what we are on the inside? Should I be bothered about what people think of me at all?
Perhaps yes, perhaps no. My value might all come from how I value myself internally and that is all good until I have an issue with my life where I am crushed and have no self-esteem. Perhaps, that is when how much my loved ones (friends,family) value me will come into the picture. Perhaps they will help me pick up? Secondly, there is an undeniable and direct connection between my IV and Core EV. If people that matter to me do not think I am worth much, it finally does end up hurting my IV.
So what is Secondary Value all about?
Our peripheral external value is what I call Secondary Value. Secondary value or the value placed on us by people that do not directly know us is important in a different way. More often than not, this is what enables us to get jobs, make a living and progress in our careers. It is important from the perspective of career growth, job opportunities and financial success.
Secondary Value = External Value Placed by People Beyond My Core ( Peripheral EV)
We cannot underestimate secondary value, but it is not worth much (in terms of happiness) if that is all we have.
Now what?? A Framework to Maximize Value AND Happiness!
The key to being happy while increasing your own value lies in your ability to choose the actions that increase your Primary Value ( IV + Core EV) a every single step of your life.
Let me explain…
How often have YOU made a choice on the work front that has made you love yourself a little less? Did you try to market something you did not believe in? Did you pull the rug from under someone just to have your project funded? Did you make a career choice that you knew you would not enjoy just because it offered more money?
These are all what I call conflicting value actions. They make us look good to outsiders and possibly mean promotions at our jobs, but deep down somewhere we have lost a little respect for ourselves…We did all of that to be happy, but it seems we lost track of happiness somewhere along the way?
The key to NOT letting that happen is to choose actions that keep us authentic first and popular next. Never ever the other way around. And guess what, eventually the more authentic people have both sustained popularity as well as happiness. Keep this in mind the next time you think think you really do not have a choice. You ALWAYS have a choice - and it is always YOUR responsibility to choose to be authentic.
Try to be in region 1 (see pic above) all the time. There are actions (and choices) that will increase both our Primary and Secondary Values. They are not at all mutually exclusive. It is totally possible to earn a good living doing what you love if you are smart, hardworking, do your homework and use the right tools. Do what you love, but do it smartly.Being authentic does not mean you let people walk all over you. Caring for other people and looking out for them does not have to mean you get taken for a ride. Help people, but look out for yourself too. Choose the career you love while choosing one that the world needs as well.
A Parting Thought -
Making a choice does not mean giving up on a goal or success in career. It may appear so in the short run, but over the longer run, the story in quite different.
The truth is that there are a number if ways to get to your prize. While some paths might be slightly longer, they will take you there in one piece - authentic, happy and rich in your heart and soul!
This post is my contribution to a Group Writing Project on InsightWriter about Creating Value
photo credit: Tambako the Jaguar
