Have you ever had a problem letting go of something or someone? Do you have a belief that you cannot change? Do you ever find yourself justifying a self-defeating action of yours endlessly?
I started thinking about it recently when I read this post on MomGrind. It is a beautiful post about something we all experience - a sense of fear at times of greatest joy …
Loving someone is setting them free, letting them go. - Kate Winslet
Why do we not let go?
Not letting go or Hanging On is an act of fear. Fear of losing control mostly. And the fear of what will happen after we lose control. Fear of the unknown in the future. Fear of change. Some of the reasons we might not let go:
* InSecurities - mostly in relationships
* Being Protective - mostly with siblings or offspring
* Power/Control Issues - mostly in organizations, management etc
Letting go - is an attitude and an action. And like Happiness is a habit, so is letting go. “Hanging On” or “Not Letting Go” is the attitude that something will stay the same just because I am hanging on to it. And then - the action of relentlessly hanging onto it.
Letting go is not an attitude that is easy to embrace simply because we are human. We like to hold on to the things that make our lives better. We like to hold on to what makes us happy. In a lot of ways, that is a very basic survival instinct and there is no arguing that this is the right thing to do. In fact, it can be argued that letting go is sometimes downright stupidity -
* I work so hard to build my company and you are saying that I should LET GO of control? You mean I cannot do accounts and marketing and development and ….blah blah blah…
* My child NEEDs me. How can I LET GO? Won’t she get hurt? Will she make mistakes? How will I help her then?
The truth is that Letting Go is not too much of a “fashion accessory” for various reasons. It is not the cool thing anyone is talking about - much unlike Simplicity. And guess what, wearing the Let Go attitude can even be dangerous - could you be percieved as non chalant and not caring for not being incredibly attached? And then, it is too much effort? Nobody talks about Letting Go because it is such a painful thing to do. There is really nothing pleasant about it, is there? When we are trying to Let Go of something, it is because we are already in pain from hanging on to something or someone for too long..
But I tell you what, it does not have to be that way at all. You can prepare to let go with grace, by telling yourself a story and breaking it down so you understand what is going on.
There is the past. There is today. And there is tomorrow. Every day we evolve and grow. Every day we have our struggles and ever day we have victories - big and small. We nurture our friendships, our relationships, our children and our own selves to create “wealth” in our lives.We worked hard yesterday to create the happiness for today.And we start to experience happiness.
But there is something wrong in this picture. A fear grips us. A fear about what will be tomorrow - a fear of the future that starts eating into our present. And then we do what we know how to do best - protect what we have earned. Little do we know that it does not work this way. But that is what we know best - it is our only response to our fears. We hang on for it almost seems like the misery of hanging on is better than the fear of the unknown. And we start our journey on the downward spiral. The fact that we believe the future is in our control is just a complete illusion!
Learning to let go is all about learning to change our perception of the future, changing our beliefs …
Letting Go is a story. It is a story you tell yourself. It is a story about replacing the fears with hope. It is about rejecting your fears and giving wings to the person/beliefs/children wings you are hanging on to - so they can fly freely - and come back to you to recreate the beauty all over again in the future. It might not be the same beauty of today, but it will be beauty nevertheless. Letting Go is a story you tell yourself because Letting Go is what lets all of us evolve and grow to make the future possible. And to see more beauty. And feel more secure by not having to protect something that was not yours in the first place.
Find the courage to let go in your imagination. By changing your attitude about the future into an attitude of hope. Prepare to let go with joy. It will be hard - just as any change is - but it is limitless in creating a beautiful life if embraced.
The next time you are hanging on to something and feeling miserable, think of your choices -you can continue to hang on and be miserable or you can be brave and let go with optimism and promise to create the best future for yourself. A change in perspective does wonders. Just believing beauty exists is enough to be able to create a LOT of it.
Watch this talk - Please. Watch the last 5minutes if you cannot watch all of it. AT this TED talk, Elizabeth Gilbert talks about a different way of thinking about the creative genius. As I watched this, I thought about how we can extend this thinking to pretty much anything we are hanging on to. This is a powerful talk and watching it was quite a journey.
Elizabeth talks about shifting your conscience.When you have a hard time letting go of something or someone take a moment and think. For a minute imagine that what you are hanging on to was not yours at all in the first place. It was just loaned to you so you could experience some beauty- of your kids, the beauty of building a company, the beauty of a marriage of 20 years …. The person did not come into your life so you could hang on, the person came in so you could experience something beautiful. That is it. Let go of the person/though and just keep doing your job everyday - your job of creating and experiencing beauty in your life.
I am letting go of my inhibitions and desire to be perfect and sharing my first video post today on my other blog. I am scared but it feels great! Just like I did when I wrote the first post for this blog actually 
What/who are you letting go of today? And how does it feel?
Share your thoughts. I am waiting to hear what you think!
photo credit: carf
