WHAT do you want to HAVE/FEEL in YOUR life?

by maya on May 11, 2009

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If I asked you if you know EXACTLY what you want in your life, would you be able to tell me?

I really want to know.

Did you start off many years ago, saying that you wanted a job A, make X amount of money, have a home that is Y square feet and so on and get exactly what you wanted many years later?

If you did, you will have to tell me how you did it? What is your formula?

Those are my two questions -

How do I know what I want in my life? And how do I know if I have what I wanted in my life?

It is eerie, since I am doing everything I ever wanted to do in my life. Or it seems like that. And I have everything I ever wanted to have. Or it seems that way. Kids, dogs (and a cat!), a home, life, adventure, freedom, education,  the luxury of having an entrepreneurial experience and a support system that I had no idea could even exist.

I am NOT sure this is what I set out wanting in my life. But it seems like today, I have everything I had ever wanted for myself.

And then I wonder - Am I so happy because I really have everything I ever wanted or am I happy because I have made Happiness a Habit?

I do not know. But I have a feeling that it does not matter.

I think what really matters is that at every moment we WANT SOMETHING. And at every moment in our lives we are working feverishly towards that something.

But there is a Step 2 to this -

And while we are working feverishly towards that SOMETHING, it seems really critical to understand WHY we wanted that SOMETHING.

In retrospect, what I had wanted in the past does not seem to matter - the past has gone by. What matters is that I always seem to know what I want next (if not in life) and I keep going towards that. Whatever it is, it seems to be working. You can argue that “working” is a relative term, but I think I am doing well enough to talk about how I do it. While I have often not achieved exactly what I had set out to achieve, I have ended up having more in a lot of ways.

What you want to HAVE is an external force - It provides momentum like the fuel in a motor boat. It deals with the tangibles. About larger force and control.

What you want to FEEL is an internal force - it provides direction control like the steering wheel in the boat. It deals with the intangibles. It gives the finer control on our journeys in life.

Life is a vector - it needs both momentum and direction. Without one, the other is meaningless. Moving towards a goal is all about make sure the intangibles are protected while trying to achieve a tangible goal.

Knowing what you want to HAVE is like having the fuel to go towards something

Knowing what you want to FEEL is like having control of the steering wheel.

To make the journey meaningful, you always have to set out seeking something (and that something might be to just explore aimlessly for a while). it is very important to have a destination in mind while we start off, but it is perhaps as important to check on the bumps that come along the way, navigate the rapids appropriately and perhaps steer towards a newer destination that is more exciting than the one you started off seeking. It is NOT about getting EXACTLY where you wanted to go, but about being in control, taking responsibility and reaching a destination that you love.

It does not matter if you do not know where you want to go sometimes. The stream of life provides those lovely slopes sometimes, when you can ride for free - just flow along and take some time figuring it out … and enjoy it.

But choosing a journey that leads to you to a destination of your longing, while letting you connect with yourself every single minute of the journey is what makes a journey passionate. If your passions come alive in letting yourself flow, so be it.

You’ll probably NEVER get what you thought you wanted years ago - and that is perfectly fine. What matters is that you set out wanting SOMETHING. What matters in that in the end you ended up FEELING and EXPERIENCING life the way you wanted.

How do you figure out WHAT you want to HAVE in YOUR life? Does it disturb you if you do not get what you exactly set out to get?

Creative Commons License photo credit: Groume

  • hey ma'am, yes you have hit the bull's eye again... !! i have a small story to share that will reinforce your point.when i was studying in 2nd year of my engineering school i wanted to desperately write articles for IEEE's monthly magazine - SPECTRUM because i believed i had the skills to do so.at that point of time a very few handful of students in my college were even aware what IEEE was .after speaking to a number of people i realised that it was not that easy to contribute an article for SPECTRUM because they allowed only a few select professionals to write for them.however, i established a student branch of IEEE in my university along with another friend of mine.we were later on appointed as vice-chairman and chairman and told to run the student organisation in our university. we built a team, we distributed posters, held meetings, conducted technical events, spread awareness.. by the end of our annual term, the student branch was a recognised body with more than 100 students ,got funds from the director ...in sum, it was a rewarding experience for me even though i did not write even a single article for spectrum !!
  • What a great post! You've really touched on a lot of important things here. I'm pretty sure I know what I want in life, but I have a lot of trouble really going after it. I need to work more on that, but I think it's becoming a lot easier now that I'm focusing on the positive things in my life. Really enjoyed this post!!
  • I never wanted things. I did want to be with people who love me and accept me as I am. I have it. :)I have always liked your "happiness as a habit" idea.
  • I have always wanted to be a super woman - someone who has time for everyone and everything in the world. I want to be happy, in love with life and people in my life, I want close knit families, family like friends, work which satisfies the creative/logical/money-minded me, money enough to live simply and invest some, ample time to be there for myself and my little world.So far this has worked (the super woman part I am still not so sure since I yet have to experience kids ;) ). Except for a few surprises which throw you off the path momentarily. And surprises are good. They highlighted things I had missed putting in my list because I never noticed them - since they were always there.
  • Maya,Totally agree. I have always been hunting for that ultimate goal (a job, a nice house, a husband, kids, happiness). And it wasn't until I realized that it's all in the journey that I found real happiness. And it wasn't until I learned that I have to be myself instead of pretending to be someone else, or behaving a certain way just to please people, that I found real happiness. Of course happiness is a fickle thing. It's like love and being in a couple. You have to work at it. It's a plant you have to nurture. But once you found the method, you just need to remind yourself from time to time. And when you get overwhelmed, just take a break and get a good massage.Mimi
  • I love your pics and points.Long ago I learned that the best thing for me is to keep getting up to bat, open as many doors as possible and when opportunity knocks, go for it.  I'm a river person with goals.On the tech side, how do you create your sketches / images?
  • Claire Bircher
    This kind of reminds me of a quote from Christmas Carol, Fezziwig says to young Scrooge, "when happiness shows up, give it a comfy seat."  But I agree with you that it is a state of mind to an extent, one can live with the apparent ingredients of unhappiness, my grandparents lived through 2 wars and that hardship, yet they were happy people.  Thing is, it takes a strong mind to be able to stick to that happiness habit, and strong minds are reinforced by the people that impact upon them.  So it comes down to a support network that we can rely on, and like Mimi says, the time to take a moment for ourselves.  As for me, I wanted to be a writer from a kid to about mid 20's, never felt strong enough, now I am.  But it's been the journey to get here (marriage, motherhood, deepening adult relationships with siblings) that's given me the state of mind to be able to embrace it, the happiness habit I mean.  And I was going to ask about your images too!!!  Lovely and though provoking post :)Claire
  • Absolutely wonderful post. Highly recommend it to everyone.
  • Ankur - yup - so many things don't turn out the way we want them to - but surprises are great, aren't they?PositivelyPresent - you being up something so important - it is really impossible to make it to the goal by focusing on the goal alone - we HAVE to see what lies on the road and we have to learn how to drive (positive attitude :))Hi Vered - you must be so happy :) But I wish you got just a little more sleep - but whatever makes you happy:) There are few people in the blog world who are as loved and respected as you are. You are such a constant - thank you for being!
  • Avani - Surprises are the best when we look forward to them :) I have learned to treat the worst of them with the best of attitudes. And I think you will do wonderfully as a mother - you have a super heart and soul :) Mimi - Happiness is fickle, isn't it? Perfectly stated. It requires hard work and massages :) JD - Always love sports analogies cause it opens up a different part of my brain :) On the tech side, I have a WACOM tablet. And a Mac. I even used the style for the Ignite presentation (geekdance.com)  I gave recently. It is a great thinking and output tool for me.Claire -  I hear ya - it is all of that and more, isn't it? Happiness does not become a habit very easily - but I am glad I have found some in my own life - a deeper connection with peole, a support system and some love for myself :) Jeff- thank you Jeff! Cannot do piggy stuff as good as you though - so I won't even try ;)
  • I enjoy making goals and working toward them, always learning and growing. Today I had the most interesting thing happen. I ran into a friend that I had not seen or heard from in 8 years. She did not know everything that has happened (I followed my passion, received my massage license, finished a diploma in herbal studies and holistic nutrition, began teaching and writing, got married, bought my first home and gave birth to my kids, just to name a few) She was shocked and awestruck because I had been in sales previously and this path seemed so different ( I was in sales). Speaking with her really put me in the NOW and put everything into perspective. I am where I want to be! I have followed my authentic path and am so grateful, what a wonderful feeling!
  • I am so glad that I did not get what I wanted when I started out. It is almost funny that life wants us to do things like declare a major and pick a career at the age of 18. At 18, having a successful career was all that I could think of. I started off as a computer programming major because I wanted to work with computers. I hated it and changed my major to marketing. I got a job in marketing and hated selling to people even though I was good at it. Then I took I construction job. I loved it at first bue it got old after a while. I then went back to school and completed another degree in Education. I loved teaching and thought I would never leave it for the world. I then had kids of my own and started an Internet-based business as a hobby. To my surprise, the business took off and I had the option to work from home. I decided to take that opportunity and have never looked backed since. My wife also works from home. I found out that being a dad and husband was all that I wanted. A career is nothing more than an after thought to me know.
  • Ouloulou :)You just hit the big question for me: the want. What do I want?Life was very kind to me and I got all the material confort I needed and more. And still I was not happy. I let it all go and started to really focus all my energy to understand what is it about this world that I couldn't catch: where and what is happiness? I found happiness loosing my social status, my belongings. I am happy, full stop. I couldn't see what I could want. It's a very strange feeling. People around me seems to accept it only because they can see I am happy. So this question of "what do I want?" seemed  one question I couldn't answer. But from this place of happiness it seems to emerge slowly: I want to contribute. A very self centered comment but I really wanted to leave a message because I just found your blog and I love it.
  • Funny, but often times what I thought I wanted is not actually so. Things fade in and out. Material things almost never interest me now. Experiences do. And pushing myself always outside my comfort zone with my music endeavors.

    And no, it does not bother me if I do not get exactly what I set out to get because my mom experience has taught me to alway plan on the unplanned and go with the flow.

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Jannie Funsters last blog post..“Sugar Lady” Video</abbr>
  • Nilesh
    I really like the way you put the point across. I am more of go with the flow person when it comes to goals. I have set out on a journey with specific end results and many times have got bit different results than what I expected. Now when I look back I realize that journey is as important as the destination.Once again very good points. I also like the sketches you draw. Makes it personified and one can related better.
  • Maya! I love how you add personal diagrams and pictures with your posts. With today's post - I think I need to get a better grip on my steering wheel. :)
  • Like Avani-Mehta, I have always wanted to be a super woman--to be 100% aware and in-tune with everyone's needs, to provide for them, and to make them happy. My personal journey is trying to come to terms the fact that perfection is impossible and to find happiness even with my weaknesses.

    I love your new site format and pictures. Very inspiring, Maya! :-)

    <abbr></abbr><abbr>Still Life in South Americas last blog post..Peru’s Sacred Valley</abbr>
  • Hi Angie,


    Life takes us to unimaginable places when we follow our hearts right?

    I am so happy for you for following yours! I think my life is somewhat similar to yours and I wonder if people I have not spoken with for years have any idea as to what I am doing ....



    But it does not matter does it? NOW is such a joyous place to be !



    Take care!

    maya


  • happy
    do you want to feel happy??


    read about ISLAM
    the sad will go

    ..I know you not happy ..

    please ..I love you.. read Quran

    you will feel happy

    I promise you
  • monicafrancesca
    Great article!
    Me, well, I am in my mid-forties, and if you ask me what I want to be when I grow up, I can't say!
    It's pathetic! I'm married with a child, and I don't know where I'm headed!
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