This series has been cooking in my brain for a while – thanks to Andy Sack when he gave the Get F&*%ing Aggressive talk at Ignite Seattle. These thoughts just exploded after I had a talk with Liz Strauss after a super session by her and Carol Roth at EVOConference. And then, there were a number of awesome people who gave me their time and advice in between in person and through email – including Michelle Goldberg, Ayush and Greg Gottesman. So thanks to all of them. Really.
I never used to be this way. No, I was not. Or perhaps I have always been this way and never seen it.
And then, one day, it happened. Out of the blue, I got a completely disrespectful and insulting email from a complete stranger on a message board. A complete stranger, who had seen but a few messages on mine on the board. Needless to say, it troubled me to no end. While that incident might have had very little to do with me at all, it made me think. Think a whole lot about what each of my actions project about me. Each time I try to make myself smaller so I do not come off as pig headed, am I actually letting people think I am stupid? I figured I had to do something about it ….
I have started to “own it” and “claim it” as Liz Strauss would say. When someone compliments me on my work I say “Thank you”. And then I thank THEM for the support and encouragement. When someone is curious about my work, I tell them the story of my work – about my passion for stories and connecting people across the world. I certainly ask them about their work, but I don’t feel guilty to talk about my work. I do not cringe and hide or try to change the subject when someone says a nice thing or two about me. No I do not.
So, I wonder why I finally started to change?
I guess I just got tired of disrespecting myself. Blowing myself away. Just tired. I would not disrespect anyone else this much, then why am I doing it to ME? I just figured it just HAD to change.
Can you relate to this? Does this sound like you? Can you not take a compliment with a straight face? Are you not claiming your worth? And then I wonder why people do not see how hard you have been working on something?
Hmm, sorry to say, but it is all mostly YOUR fault. ALL YOURS and mine
I am slowly making that transition. I am focusing on taking myself seriously. Really. I am getting behind myself and looking at myself from the outside. Being as ruthless and respectful as I would want others to be with me – because I want to make those mistakes and learn early. And then, I want to help others take themselves seriously.Yeah, that is my bigger mission.
Indeed, it is easier said than done. Doing it actually requires lots of conversations, brainstorming, analysis and planning. Taking ourselves seriously is about ourselves but not all about ourselves. It is about our dreams, goals, communities, families and our own realities. It is about taking ourselves seriously no matter what our lives are like – even if our goal is to just have fun. It is a long journey – one where we have to learn to respect ourselves, realize our worth and yet stay humble. It is an awesome journey though, an empowering one.
As I started to learn to “own it” in this past year, I have learned that it is a wonderful feeling in many ways. Chances are you will feel all of see all of this and more if you “own it” too …
- For one, I clearly respect myself and my own time more. Which means, more of my time goes to things and people that really matter to me.
- I feel so much more confident. A hundred times more. (not that I ever appeared less confident – but you know, it is that feeling on the inside)
- I hold myself to much higher standards. I push harder but smarter. I focus on results.
- Opportunities come. Yup. People pay me for my time and my brains. And *free* is when I want to do it – not when someone else wants it.
- It is empowering in the strangest sort of way.
What I loved about Liz Strauss’s and Carol Roth’s session at #EVOconference is that their no nonsense attitude makes people want to act. In a world where so few people are actually willing to give honest, action oriented feedback, these two women did.
The world needs fewer fake people and we need to realize that being “nice” is a complete disservice to the people we care about – be it ourselves or the people we mentor. So, while I work on taking myself seriously, I am committing to giving more no nonsense, honest and actionable feedback to people that ask for feedback and the folks that I mentor.
So, I ask you, can you take a compliment with a straight face or do you cringe? Do you think you are “claiming” who you are? Are you owning the awesome parts of you?